Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Rumble strips road head = magical
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Randomize
