nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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