So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
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