shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
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