I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
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