I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
