did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
