just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
