allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize