I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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