allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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