Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
