I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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