fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
