I just saw a hot homeless man
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Randomize
