wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
