I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
