Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
