How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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