Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
