dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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