barbara walters just said penis...
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
