Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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