Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
My life is pants optional.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
