The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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