jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
