I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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