I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
