I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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