You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
