awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
It's shark week go big or go home
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
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