You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
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