Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
