3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
