I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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