It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
