You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
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