FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
