My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I need to sanitize my soul.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize