garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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