My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
My ass is underappreciated
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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