Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
I'm always down for nudity.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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