She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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