Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Randomize
