I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
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