Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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