remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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