I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I just gargled with NyQuil
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
