That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
it glows. i had to have it.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Randomize
