What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
