You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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