so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Randomize