im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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