So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
