i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Randomize
