Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
PANTIES FOUND
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