How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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