the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
