Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(713): View more from Texas

Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?

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(248): View more from Michigan

In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.

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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.

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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.

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(423): View more from Tennessee

There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.

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(217): View more from Illinois

I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?

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(719): View more from Colorado

I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.

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(760): View more from California

He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄

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(218): View more from Minnesota

God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.

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