Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
