Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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