Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
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