If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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