Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Randomize
