I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize
