so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
