Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
