The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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