I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
