I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
