eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
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