Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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