She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Randomize
