The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
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