i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
