Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize