I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm bleeding and have questions
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
