Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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