I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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