You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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