My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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